


Confess!

by Zrhueiaodhoia



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Bisexual Kara Danvers, Coming Out, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, Face Slapping, Happy Ending, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kara’s point of view, Love Confessions, Supergirl Gets Pants, Supergirl Needs Pants, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-17 00:14:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19328962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zrhueiaodhoia/pseuds/Zrhueiaodhoia
Summary: ”And then she cried. She hugged her arms around herself and swayed. She felt weak now, but it was a different kind of weakness. Her indestructible heart was breaking and she was gasping for the breath that she had not needed in her ascension moments before. Her shoulders shook violently as desperate sobs rocked her body. She felt small. Kara had come into this wilderness in the middle of the night to be alone and now she felt so very alone as she thought about her, about the way her dear friend had looked at her. ”ORKara tries to deal with her emotions after the reveal. She’s in deep— in love with Lena Luthor and now she’s afraid it’s too late to tell her. Also Kara has a minor crisis with faith in the beginning. Confessions are made and Lena has suprising reactions.OR!Supergirl gets a new hot suit and tries to mend things with Lena.Angst, Love, Anger, Passion and eventually they throw the f*** down.





	1. RAO!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a multi chapter because I’m a tease?
> 
> This fic starts all high and mighty but fear not, towards the end it falls hard from grace and staright (gay!) into Smutville

She had flown miles and miles to the first direction she had thought of in her anger and in her sadness. She had flown past the northern-most part of North America and onwards above the Arctic Sea until she saw the snowy fields of Greenland. And there had loomed a perfect looking mountain. She had dropped from the sky, her shiny boots thudded angrily on the rocky ground and formed a shallow crater

 

Sharp twigs and scraps of ice were tearing Supergirl’s tights as she made her way up the steep mountain in the dark night. ”Damn it! I need to get pants on this suit! I’m too old for this look anyway!” She lamented in her mind as she kicked the debris of the wild mountain side away. Off with the frost went a sizable chunk of the rock too. A slight sheen of snow blew across the ankles of her blazing red boots. ”I’m keeping the boots though..” She mused as she continued on her path. She might have been indestructible and the undergrowth never did bother her, but the tights... the tights she wore were very destructible and not at all suited for the rather active lifestyle of a super powered alien.

 

An alien... That’s how she felt indeed. A sharp pang of something akin to grief rose up in her chest again as she thought about it... her alieness. She sniffed toughly rubbing a hard fist against her eye. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t cry on the way up at least.

Her legs felt no strain and her lungs did not burn, as she stepped up the long road ahead. She felt nothing, just her endless power and the clarity of her vision. The veins to her lungs, flowering up from what was now the anomaly of her heart, laughed at the feeble challenge that was the best this world could offer! The treacherous sun of Earth had hidden itself away. Down through the horizon, the giant had gone. Now Kara was left alone for the night, abandoned by her strange idol, that in a perverse switcheroo worshipped his own servant. She made her way up across the ever thinning mountain air. Not that the scares oxygen or the winter darkness bothered her. In this cruel home, the Earth, she was alien to all the things that made men weak.

 

Kara didn’t use her super speed as she climbed, but the natural strength that she could not abdicate, brought her up the summit in less than an hour. She flipped her perpetually bouncy hair away from her face in a feisty sway of her head and pressed on until she finally reached the very top. Here she could finally deliver what she came for. Here she could scream at her distant God.

 

And then she cried. She hugged her arms around herself and swayed. She felt weak now, but it was a different kind of weakness. Her indestructible heart was breaking and she was gasping for the breath that she had not needed in her ascension moments before. Her shoulders shook violently as desperate sobs rocked her body. She felt small. Kara had come into this wilderness in the middle of the night to be alone and now she felt so very alone as she thought about her, about the way her dear friend had looked at her.

 

________________

 

 

 

She had been so alone, when she came to Earth as child. This alien world had been strangely hostile, but in a way that Kara found elusive, harrowing even. Now that she was an adult, Kara suspected that this grim feeling had very much to do with her age back then. Kara had found confusing, the roles that were expected from thirteen-year-old girls on this planet, in it’s most popular country. On Krypton, puberty and the coming of age were seen as neutral things that should be faced with openness and respect. On Earth however, she couldn’t help but notice that it mostly felt like a struggle and from what she heard of her friends, the process intruded a certain air of ambiguous danger into the minds of young women. Kara had began to feel a creeping anxiety take hold of her very soon after she started to accept Earth as her new home, seventeen years ago. Almost everything she had known, was more or less different. This place and many of it’s customs were not normal to her. The way human earthlings felt the need to control others, felt most abnormal to her.

 

But she had gotten a sister. Alexandra had become kind to her. Kara had been flung out of space into her life. After the initial shock of it all Alex had just simply accepted her as her sister, loved her and protected her. Alex had seemed like she, if being affected by the same anxiety of these vague pressures of teenage in this particular society, had displayed a certain rebellion and courage in herself toward them and Kara admired her for that. Alex’s rebellious attitude was one of the things that made Kara like her so much and made it feel easy to be around her.

 

When Alex had come out to her a few years ago, with such nervousness and almost fear, Kara’s heart had ached for her. Kara didn’t know how to explain to her sister that to Kara, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Sure at that point Kara knew how society was about these things, but Kara had never internalized these earthly ideas of categorized and excessively hierarchical sexuality. The planet seemed to be quite hysterical about them.

 

Kara tried to be there for Alex according to the way that she needed. She had felt it would have been almost cruel to tell her sister, that she came from a world where none of this anxiety that Alex was feeling would occur. That in Kara’s world, Alex would not have had to bury a part of herself so deep that she didn’t realize it until later in life. Telling her of such a distant world, would have felt like Kara was dismissing her sister’s struggle and Kara wanted to honor it, because she knew that on earth Alex was being so beautifully brave as she had always been.

 

In the last two months Alex had to loose her memory of the parts of Kara that she had played such a central part in healing, the feeling of being alien to this world. Alex was the one who had thought her how to belong and how to feel at home and eventually learn to love this world. And this aspect of the past had been stolen from Kara. She had to hide who she was from her sister. It had hurt Kara more then she had realized. And now that Alex remembered again, Kara’s heart had already broken by another loss and perhaps she had not suspected the depth of pain in this one either. Perhaps she hadn’t realized the depth of how much she loved Lena.

 

As Alex remembered who Kara was, Lena found out. All Kara had wanted during the past few months, the past year really, was to tell Lena how she felt. Even when Kara was still struggling with understanding her feelings herself. She still felt a painful need to say something to Lena. She had been wondering for a while if their relationship had something else going on, if the feeling of it being a roaring ocean instead of a calm lake was just in Kara’s head. But Kara was desperately afraid of Lena seeing her as anything other than what she wanted to see.

 

Kara was a hero, she was fearless and she would head for danger when she had to pull others out of it. Se had no fear when she battled the things that threatened others. But when it came to this, the most precious things in her own life, the things she held very close to her heart, with those things she was a foolish coward.

 

There was no use pretending to the mountain or to the night sky, or it’s starts. Kara had been selfish when it came to Lena. Kara had been indulgent and careless. When Lena looked at her and smiled or laughed freely in a bursting cackle that no one else ever got to hear, Kara felt like she was let in to a rare place, like she was rare to Lena. Lena saw only her and she laughed with her and shared things of her life with her. It made Kara feel special, when Lena would call Kara her favorite person or when she would hug her too tightly every time she saw her. It made Kara feel like she was special to Lena, when Lena came to her and confessed the things she felt guilty for and when she cried in her arms and let Kara comfort her.

 

If Kara had told Lena the truth, she would have become something different, something far away, something unattainable. Lena could love Kara as her best friend, but Supergirl was something more and Kara just didn’t want to burst the bubble her friendship with Lena had been; a bubble where Kara felt like Lena wanted her for simple reasons, for simple affection and shared experiences. Hiding her identity was perhaps about protecting her in the beginning as it was with everyone in her life. But the more Kara realized she loved Lena, the more selfish and cowardly her reasons became.

 

”How could you Kara! How could you lie to me?” Lena had whispered to her, tears streaming down her face. Kara had panicked and incoherently blurted out that it was because she loved her. Lena had left then with a confused anger in her eyes and Kara was left wondering if Lena even knew what Kara meant. Lena didn’t answer her phone as Kara called her repeatedly ten minutes later. Kara was terrified. Not only had her identity been revealed, she might have confessed her feelings to Lena as well, all in a jumbled mess of hurt and fear. She wanted to explain even though she didn’t really have a good enough explanation for lying to her, lest she truly confess the rest of all that _love_ that Lena might have caught just an awkward wisp of. Kara desperately wanted to know what Lena thought Kara had meant with the whole love thing. When Lena didn’t answer her calls one week later, Kara took off and flew to the Arctic.

 

_________________________

 

 

 

”RAO!” Kara screamed into the clear night sky. No answer.

”Rao..” she whispered weakly, pressing her stinging eyelids closed. She knew he was there, not even her vision reached 27 lightyears away though. She glared at the dark spot of space as she strained her eyes and tried to see even a small flicker of the light of her God. She stared longingly to where she knew he lay resting with no one to shine upon.

 

On Earth Kara had learned about a weak God. ”A power made perfect in weakness” they had said. But Kara payed no mind to such unimaginable things. She did wonder though, why would the mighty Rao let his light fall into a void that now stretched between them? Did he not know that she had survived, that she was still here? Did he not care?

 

”LHS 2520...” she scoffed at the code that was the only name anyone here knew of him. The thought made Kara feel a strange sense of hollow pride at being the last person in this time who remembered Rao’s light. She smiled a sad smile as a faint thought of Mon-El passed through her tired mind. She scoffed again. What a waste of time that had been. Sometimes she missed having someone there who understood what it felt like to be an alien, someone who remembered Rao, someone who had lost their home and everyone in it. He had been all those things, but otherwise he was quite disappointing. Kara felt bitter. Mon-El should have felt like home, but now that Kara thought about it, she knew she had made herself love him for exactly that reason; for all the things he should have been. 

 

Kara had now abandoned hope of getting an answer from the sky. She still mumbled her prayer up to the cold empty space, the painful distance that she could never regain. ”How does one pray to a God whose world has ended?” She wondered.

 

She let her mind drift to Lena and sighed as she decided that it was time to end this foolish venture and head back to National City. She didn’t want to end up like Icarus after all, at least not before trying to fix things with Lena. If Lena decided to hate her forever, she would gladly fly herself into the fire of that yellow giant. A star so close, so familiar now... The young thing playing God. This impostor forced all his power on Kara, showered her with gifts of blind worship. Earth’s sun was a useless powerhouse that could not mend Kara’s heart, nor see her as one of his own.

 

She took off from the peak of a dark land, a forlorn colony of yet another selfish kingdom. Up to the cold sky she flew and set a course back towards sunny America.

 

__________________________ 

 

 

 

She flew in through her open window. Her boots thudded onto the rug and she sighed. Her home was quiet. She stepped back a bit and closed the window. She walked slowly towards the curtain that separated her bedroom area from the rest of the loft. Kara ran her fingers through her tousled hair tiredly and sighed again.

 

She felt a yearning in her heart. It had been there for almost a year now, but in the past weeks it had become insistent, risen to the surface and became wholly distracting. Her heart had finally told her the entire truth, just as it might have all become too late.

 

She stood in front of her bed and started to remove her suit. She skin tight nano-fabric Loosened once she found the hidden zipper with practiced hands. She tugged off her boots and finally peeled off the offending stockings that she had been so annoyed by lately. Her hands went back up to her hips and she slid the stupid skirt down over the curve of her hips. Then she pulled off the long sleeves of the top, first unhooking her thumbs from the bands. The bodysuit came off, she pulled it down and was left only in her blue sports bra and red compression shorts.

 

She didn’t bother putting on more clothes and she she made her way back into the living room and threw herself on the couch. She stared up at the ceiling and tried to figure out her thoughts. She had never felt this way. She had loved Mon-El, but it had always felt like she needed to actively put effort in doing so. She had been infatuated with women before (Like both of her ex boyfriend’s partners. She snorted in laughter as she realized this.) but this now was different.

 

This felt like she had fallen off a cliff and now all she could do was fall and the thought of stopping it or getting over it was therefore ridiculous. She would crash and burn and there was nothing she could do. She laughed at herself then. She could fly and here she was imagining a fateful free-fall in her mind. A Luthor stripping her powerless.

 

Kara was too deep in her thought’s now to notice the time passing. She just laid there on the couch, in her underwear and stared at the ceiling. So much had happened during the past year. She had finally gotten over the break-up for good. Then she had really seen the side of this planet that she had always known was there, but it had recently exploded. It’s ugliness had come fully into the light with the hate group in National City that called itself the Children of Liberty. It had all been Lex after all.

 

She had to be a hero all year, she had no time for herself really. And now when things around the city had finally calmed down and it seemed the threat was over for now, Kara felt like she was left to confront her loneliness and her displacement and it felt like it was all too much.

The funny thing about heroes is that when they fly into the sunset after saving the day, they usually actually just go home, like everyone else.

 

 

”.,rao, sokaofidh nahn w khup i ehrosh ni :divi

 

.,rao, sokaokypzrhiges w khuhp i raogryhs”

 

She mumbled the meditation with a quiet voice, a sighfrom her lips, her eyes gently closed. She tried to fall asleep. She tried not to think about Lena.Eventually her mind started drifting further into dreams.

 

_She almost felt her lips gracing a long neck, pale shoulders, dark silky hair in her tight fist. Hard breath falling onto her shoulder as she felt her there, warm and deep... A weight like home settled on her repeatedly... Hands held her in place, held onto her. ”Kara..” she heard her own name whispered against her skin ”Kara!”. Her body moulding itself against her, her hips pressing down, the warmth turning into a heat, her skin slowly sliding against hers..._

Kara jolted awake from her half sleep with a gasp.

 

”Oh no..” she thought as her heart bounded in her chest and her legs felt heavy and wobbly. She felt her heartbeat between her legs as she sat up on the couch shuddering and buried her face into her hands. ”Oh no.. oh”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find the consept of worshipping the sun so facinating in the Supergirl/Superman universe.
> 
> This is as much contemplation that’s going to happen tho. It’s probably all downhill to conflict and sin from here.
> 
> Anyway, I’d love some comments, I’m a ho..  
> See ya!


	2. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara’s a bit of a mess. Alex is the best.

She steadied her breathing and looked at her phone. As expected, Lena hadn’t replied to her texts or calls. The little blue arrow indicating that she had read them though.

 

Kara threw off her bra and her ruined underwear and bolted into the shower. She tried to let the steam and the soap wash her thoughts away. Her dream flashed across her mind as the hot water fell on her neck. A jolt hit her as she relived the dream in her minds eye. She helplessly recalled how Lena had felt like, sitting on her lap, the weight of her breasts pressing against Kara’s own, the way her breath had fallen on her shoulder. The dream was heavy, like the situation had been pushing Kara through to the ground. Like Kara had been weak. Like Lena straddling her was the only thing that could make her feel like anything on this earth could ever hold her in place, that this place could be hers.

 

As a particular part of her dream flashed across her mind she felt almost an uncomfortable twist of arousal low in her abdomen, like something sprained and then a warmth started to ache all along her thighs and her chest. Even her wrists ached at the thought of Lena on her lap, breathing hard into her neck.

 

She huffed a frustrated breath and reached her hand down, past her hip bones. She shouldn’t but then again, why not? She was in her own home and it was her body. She had already betrayed her. She had never let herself think about Lena when she did this. She had pushed the thoughts down but now, she could no longer deceive herself. She had no strength to try.

 

She felt slick. Her arousal had made her swollen and hot. She grabbed the holster where the shower head was lodged and held on. The hot water fell on her and she let herself drift into the feeling she had in the dream, she imagined how Lena’s lips would feel. She thought about what her hair smelled like. How the shiny locks would sway. How she would feel in the morning, her body pressed against hers. Waking up next to her, her own face pressed against the nape of her neck, her soft voice coming out of sleep. She thought about that one small bead of sweat that had dripped down Lena’s eyebrow when they had once gone to a spinning class together. Down, past that freckle in the middle of her neck, down to the dip between her collar bones, down... Kara just wanted to run her tongue along the trail and drink it. Kara trailed her mind along each small piercing along Lena’s earlobe. A millisecond flickering of a metal tongue ring in Lena’s mouth, that Kara had noticed once but had not believed her eyes. She thought about how her breathing had sounded like, in the dream, at the gym, the way her heart beat so strongly when she held her in her arms whenever she carried her to safety, carried her home. The way her legs felt, resting on her arms all those times, the way her hands held on. In the dream her soft, thick thighs spread out across her lap, Lena’s arms circling her shoulders, like she trusted her, like she needed her. She smelled the roaring adrenaline in her blood.. She thought about what Lena would sound like if... how she would taste. Kara thought about the way Lena’s eyes fluttered. Her flushed cheeks... Kara thought about the way she looked at her on the plane when they were alone together and they could have just... the way she spoke to her with that low voice that was just dripping. The way Lena would feel on her fingers, how it felt in the dream, her soft wet—

 

”Oh-ff—! Oh God Rao!”

Kara suddenly shouted in a panting whisper, drawing breath through her clenched teeth, surprised at how hard she came. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut. The force of it bent her down from the abdomen and she trembled every time a shock spread hot waves of pleasure through her. Her breaths were ragged and she remembered that she doesn’t really have to keep quiet and an overwhelmed moan escaped her lips as she braved through it.

 

”What— whoh!” She breathed out and shut down the shower for a while so she could collect herself. She sat down on the edge of the tub to breath and regain her balance.

Her mind was spinning and she felt like she hadn’t slept in days, she felt like she had lost everything that she hadn’t even really known she wanted. And now that she knew, she had gradually began to want it beyond reason.

 

The dream had been the last straw and now she couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even after the monumental release, she still felt a dizzying want for her. The pleasure slowly bled out of her and left in it’s wake, a blunt pain in the middle of her diaphragm and her throat.

 

She finished her shower and got dressed. She felt reckless. She felt like she might do something stupid. She had to get out. She knew she should sleep, she knew she shouldn’t be feeling like this. But what did she really have to lose anymore? She decided to do what humans do when they’re devastated. She put on a pair of blue jeans and a soft, pastel yellow t-shirt the color of bananas. She threw on a short leather jacket to boost her confidence and headed out of the door.

 

She wasn’t going to go see her. That would have been so intruding and so selfish. She had to leave her alone, since that was what Lena clearly wanted.

 

Kara was sitting at the alien bar, drinking a third purple drink that made her feel soaring tipsy and fast. She downed it and felt it burn pleasantly. The heat and the adrenaline just increased as the substance made it’s way through her system. She ordered a fourth one right away. She took a sip and reached her phone out of her pocket. She felt furious, she felt immature and most of all she wasn’t really thinking. She hit the call button on Lena’s name. Again.

 

The phone rang for ages, Kara didn’t think she would answer anyway, but she didn’t know what to do. She was never like this; getting drunk, calling someone desperately. It was all spiraling.

 

And then Lena picked up. A groggy voice said ”hello.”

 

”Lena! Hi” was all Kara could blurt out, before she continued:

 

I’m sorry, were you sleeping?”

 

”Oh no.. no... I’m drinking”

 

”Oh.. Me too.”

 

”Well.. Congrats. I thought you were too much of the straight and narrow-type and all that?” A dark voice drawled, with a cold amusement.

 

Kara felt flustered. She was so happy that Lena had picked up. She was terrified at making things even worse and she was shamefully turned on by hearing Lena’s husky voice. She felt jittery to say the least and perhaps the purple alcohol did the talking:

 

”No. I’m not straight. O-or narrow.. Oh gosh.. I’m sorry, that sounded a bit stupid didn’t it?”

 

She heard a grim chuckle on the other end and despite the dark tone, it still made Kara’s heart leap.

 

”Are you laughing Lena?” Kara asked with a hopeful voice and a scared smile.

 

”I guess I am.” Lena answered in a tired sigh.

 

”Why did you call me Kara?” She continued.

 

”I.. I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

The drink was making her dangerously honest. She only heard silence on the other end and then the way the whiskey slowly poured through Lena’s lips and the way she swallowed. It made Kara’s thoughts race to her dreams again. She guessed that Lena might not reply to her at all, that she had made it awkward, so she continued:

 

”I.. I was going to tell you Lena. I really was. You remember that time on the plane, flying home from Kaznia? I was right there, I took my glasses off, I just wanted you to turn around, to see me. I... I’ve always wanted you to just see me. Not to see some made up persona. You always saw me, not her... but I was going to tell you..”

 

Kara rambled on, getting lost in her desperation, getting lost in all of the emotions and clouded by the alcohol. She felt a lump forming in her throat from the silence on the other end. She went on, digging herself deeper into the whirlwind.

 

”Lena.. I was standing there, I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know, because I want you to know all of me. And that time, before when you were mad at me for not being around, I wanted to tell you then but I saw the hurt in your eyes and I was weak Lena! Then you came to me in my office, I saw you across the room... Lena you looked so beautiful, you’re so beautiful and I just... I wanted to—

 

”Why do you keep saying stuff like that?” Lena snapped with a demanding voice.

 

”Wha- stuff like what?” Kara said timidly.

 

”You tell me you lied to me because you love me, that you want me to _see_ you, to _know_ you. You tell me I’m beautiful. What is that Kara?”

 

Kara felt chocked, she was terrified. She didn’t think Lena would feel the same way and even if she had, she would hate her now for betraying her. She tried to speak with a quiet voice: ”I... I do love you Lena, you’re my best friend. Of course I-”

 

”You know what Kara, it doesn’t matter. I can’t talk to you right now. I’m drunk and so are you and I.. I just can’t hear this right now. I’m going to hang up...”

 

Kara was holding back tears. Her throat ached. She couldn’t speak, just a broken whine escaped her: ”Lena..”

 

”Kara, go home. Just.. be safe.” Lena paused for a second and laughed darkly again:

”Oh well I guess you’re invulnerable so.. I need to hang up now.”

 

She disconnected the call.

 

Kara felt the hot tears fall down her face. The conversation had made everything even more messy. The strange tension, Lena had noticed it. Or at least she had noticed something different in the way Kara spoke to her.

 

Kara drank four more drinks until her vision started to really spin and blur. She found her way out of the bar and stumbled her way back home. She somehow managed to fumble her way in and after throwing her jacket on the rack haphazardly, she fell into her bed with her clothes on and passed out.

 

______________

 

 

 

She woke up to a pounding at her door. First she thought it was her own head that was just simply pounding on it’s own accord. But then her mind caught up and she heard her sister's voice behind the door. ”Kara! What’s going on, are you home? We were supposed to have breakfast remember?”

 

She stumbled out of bed and tried to get to the door feeling dizzy and heavy. She pumped her hip onto the kitchen island and was surprised not to take a chunk out of the wood. Her head was aching bad and her stomach lurched in nausea. The purple stuff probably actually didn’t leave her system as fast or maybe it was the unruly amount she had. She was actually hangover.

 

Alex used her keys before Kara could get the door open. ”Kara, did you forget breakfast?” she yelled still partially behind the door.

Yeah Alex I’m here...”

 

”Whoa! What’s happened, did you solar flare?!”

Alex looked concerned and stepped forward to inspect Kara’s head, but Kara just winced away.

 

”No. I’m hungover..” Kara groaned out and set out to make coffee slowly.

Alex set a bag on the table with a relieved expression.

”Well I brought doughnuts.. Since when do you get hungover?”

”Since I drank like ten purple alien drinks and I’m actually not even sure what was in them. I just thought the purple was cute and somehow might cheer me up.”

 

”Did it?”

 

”No”

 

”Kara, what’s going on? You don’t usually go out drinking? Were you with someone?”

 

”No I was alone... I just... I dunno. She prepared the coffee and sighed, trying to find words to explain. She felt a strange, faint anxiety.

 

”Alex, I’m lost.” She finally said after a while. It was with a small voice and she looked down at her feet once she had pressed the coffee machine on.

 

Alex came up to her and put her arms around her. Kara softened and tried to fall into the comfort of her sisters hug.

 

”Look, I’ve been there Kara. Drinking doesn’t help. It only makes it worse. Now tell me what’s going on?”

 

”I flew to Greenland yesterday. I wanted to climb a mountain, that’s what pilgrims used to do on Krypton. It was to get closer to Rao... I thought, I thought God could help me, but I’m not sure if this is really of that calibre... or if he even cares. I just feel like I’ve messed up the best thing I had in my life and I hadn’t fully even realized that she...”

Kara sighed, trying not to ramble further.

 

”It’s Lena. She found out who I am. Lex told her.”

Kara said quietly staring at the coffee pouring into the pot.

 

”Now she doesn’t want to talk to me. I spoke with her last night on the phone. I was drunk and I called her beautiful and told her I loved her.”

 

Kara pressed her palms up to her throbbing eyes and tried to make the headache stop. She’s not used to hurting.

 

Alex looked flabbergasted at the outpour of different aspects of Kara’s day yesterday.

”Oh... so like, she’s feeling betrayed and I get that you’re worried. But why are you saying that other stuff to her? Kara.. are you—”

 

”I’m in love with her..”

Kara said quietly and looked up into Alex’s concerned eyes. Tears filled her eyes again and she could have sworn she was tired of crying. Alex came closer again and hugged her even tighter. Kara couldn’t do much more that cry against her sister’s shoulder.

 

”So how did she react to that?” Alex asked wryly after Kara’s sobs dissipated.

 

”I didn’t really get to that part, she wouldn’t hear it. She probably just wondered why I’m calling her beautiful whilst she’s dealing with this awful betrayal that I’ve caused.”

 

Kara sniffed and grabbed the coffee pot and poured some into a tall mug. She went into the fridge and took out some sugar and toffee and chocolate sauce, a can of whipped cream and a carton of heavy milk. She proceeded to mix the milk into her coffee and spooned an undecipherable amount of sugar into the mix. She topped it off with a tower of whip and drizzled the sauces on it to crown the creation. She finally reached into the cupboard and found some coconut sprinkles and poured a hefty amount on top of all the cream and sauce. Then she took three big gulps, her upper lip and nose getting a wad of whip on it while Alex stared at her in horror.

 

Alex reached into a cupboard and pored herself a mug of black coffee and stayed far away from any toppings. She sipped it while keeping her inquisitive gaze intently on Kara.

 

Kara just took a spoon out of the drawer and started to shovel the saucy whip into her mouth with a heartbroken expression on her face.

 

They sipped their respective coffees in silence for a while, both sisters leaning on the kitchen counter.

 

Alex looked at Kara with sympathetic eyes.

”So... you like women?” She carefully asked.

 

Kara just shrugged her shoulders with a casual ”yeah.”

 

”Since when?” Alex asked, the slight confusion evident under her breath.

 

Suddenly Kara felt the need to explain. Maybe she had kept yet another secret. She never thought of it that way but now it felt like she had been keeping a part of herself hidden from her sister for no good reason.

 

”umm, I guess I don’t think about it in the usual way. I.. I’m not used to labelling my sexuality. I know you’re wondering why I’ve never told you, but it’s just that.. well I never internalized this system of categorizing. I never really thought about it that way. But I know you do and I know that you had to overcome all these fears and I was so proud of you and I felt like it would have been somehow selfish to tell you about how I...”

 

She frowned as she thought about it.

”How I cannot recall the things that make humans afraid of this; comments or attitudes from my upbringing before earth, half of my life. Like the whole foundation of this... fear just isn’t there, like I guess humans have it.. So it feels almost unfair in a strange way. Do you know what I mean?”

 

Kara was staring at her sister with careful eyes after her ramble. She didn’t want Alex to think she was hiding something or that she didn’t trust her or wouldn’t want to share this with her.

Alex just had a calm expression on her face, so Kara felt encouraged to continue.

 

”I mean I guess I.. well I do know how it is here and I guess some part of it has rubbed off on me.. I didn’t really have sexual feelings yet before I came to Earth, but the way it was on Krypton was so different and that was what I knew. When I came here I really wanted to reject this way of categorizing and scrutinizing sexuality...”

 

Kara started to feel a strange anxiety creeping up on her even more, like maybe she hadn’t really been as cool with it as she thought. She stared into nothing and frowned.

 

”I mean I haven’t really been open about this with anyone. I guess I always thought I wouldn’t have to be or wouldn’t have to say anything. I’ve said it out loud sometimes when I’ve thought a woman is attractive but I guess no one thinks that means that I’m actually attracted to women... but I am. I thought it was obvious somehow and now I don’t know.. I—”

 

Kara started to get a little choked up again.

 

”I.. I guess I haven’t been as okay with it as I thought. I mean I never thought I was affected by this planet’s customs about this particular thing but I guess... I mean I know it should have bee easy to talk to you of all people. I mean you told me and I..”

 

Kara was crying now, her ridiculous coffee shaking in her hand. Alex pulled her into a third hug of the morning.

 

”Kara it’s okay, it’s okay. Everyone is different. It’s okay, however you feel.” Alex smiled at her. She stroked her hair in a comforting way.

 

”Okay” Kara sniffed and she felt like a weight, that hadn’t even been there, dropped off her shoulders.

 

”Now doesn’t that feel good?” Alex asked with a knowing smile while holding onto Kara’s forearms like she was trying to steady her.

 

”Yeah it does.” Kara said with a deep exhale and started to walk over to her couch.

”Come sit with me Alex” she mumbled through her relief, nausea and headache. ”Bring the doughnuts please.”

 

They sat and ate doughnuts, chatting about light things every now and then and watched some mindless day time tv.

 

 

 

 

”So, Lena huh?” Alex asked after a while.

 

Kara turned her head to her direction and a wide smile suddenly seized her face.

”Yeah... Lena.” She said, her smile growing deeper.

 

Alex smiled at her sister. ”I always thought you two had a special connection.” Alex frowned and continued ”How are we going to get her to forgive you then?”

 

Kara sighed and closed her eyes. ”I don’t know. She looked so hurt. And she’s been lied to so much in her life. I can’t believe I did this to her. I don’t know if I can even forgive myself...”

 

They were quiet for a while and then Kara went on: ”I don’t even know if she likes women. She’s never said anything, she’s probably totally like... straight.”

 

Alex burst into laughter and stared at Kara incredulously. ”Oh please! Kara!” She kept laughing while Kara looked at her with a crinkle between her eyebrows.

 

”What? What is so funny?” She asked.

 

Alex reigned in her laughter and wiped the corner of her eye. ”Kara, not for a second, could I ever believe that Lena is straight!”

 

”Why?!” Kara asked with wide eyes

 

”Kara, honey, straight women don’t dress like that.” Alex said with a calm voice and raised her eyebrows knowingly.

”Besides, I’ve seen the way she looks at you and there’s nothing too straight about that either.”

 

Kara smiled ”Oh yeah?”

Then a sadness overtook her again. She closed her eyes and said: ”I need her to forgive me. I can’t lose her.”

 

Alex smiled sadly at her sister and hoped she could help her. They fell into a long lazy silence again until Kara spoke up:

 

”Can you tell the, whatever department makes the gear at the DEO, to make me a new suit with pants? The boot’s can stay though...” 

 

Alex smiled proudly and smirked

”Yes Kara. I’m on it, first thing on Monday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment. I’ll bite gently <3


	3. Snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Game night is on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Angst.

It’s been a month since Lena found out. Kara has given her time. She stopped texting and calling her frantically. Kara has stayed away from alien alcohol and tried to bury herself in work, so she could keep herself going, to dim the ache in her chest. She can’t bear the thought of having lost Lena. She can’t bare the thought of having hurt her so much. Not only did she lie to her, but by association their mutual friends had to lie to Lena as well. Kara felt a stab of guilt as she though about it all.

 

She was staring out into the cityscape from the balcony. She was on her coffee break at Catco. She was busy heading a team that was working on an in-depth report on the treason and corruption charges against the former president and the disappearance or presumed death Lex Luthor. The story would take a long time to complete and would be a special issue release from the Tribune in a few more months. It was the most serious project Kara had ever embarked on but she enjoyed the work and the challenge. She felt a certain duty to truly expose the lies and schemes that had lead the people to mindless hate speech and violence and how it had all been just a villainous ploy to gain power.

 

It was Friday afternoon and Kara was actually looking forward to the weekend. She enjoyed the work but as she now had more responsibility and more challenges, she thought about rest with a new-found fondness. also tonight was game night and Kara missed her friends. She felt another bang of guilt at the thought of their friend group and got her phone out.

 

She hesitated for a while, then she wrote a text:

 

**K: Hey. I know you don’t want to talk to me but I just wanted to let you know that game night is on tonight at my place. I know you don’t want to see me, but I feel so awful that I’m keeping you from seeing your other friends. They don’t know that you know, only Alex does. So if you want, you are so very welcome to come. It’s at 6pm.I’m really sorry if I’m overstepping. I just don’t know what else to do.**

 

Her thumb lingered on the send icon for a while and then in a gust of recklessness she tapped it.

 

_______________________

 

 

 

They were all laughing heartily at something Nia had joked about. There were snacks, the games were on and everyone seemed happy. Kara felt a comforting warmth at seeing her friends and family happy, but she also constantly felt how one person was missing.

 

Alex was huddled up with Kelly and Kara kept noticing how Alex had an expression of solemn admiration in her eyes whenever she looked at Kelly. Kara thought about how Alex had not looked at anyone like that since Maggie. It made Kara so happy for her sister. She was really happy for Brainy and Nia finally getting together too. Even James had already started dating some new woman, but he had said that he wasn’t ready to introduce her to the group yet.

 

”Is Lena coming, by the way?” James asked at some point.

”I don’t know, she’s probably busy and you know the whole thing with Lex still weighing on her I guess...” Kara said quickly, looking at the game board intently.

 

They played a few more rounds and then there was a knock at the door. Kara’s heart jumped up into her throat. Alex noticed and got up quickly. ”Should I get it?” She asked.

 

”Y-yeah..” Kara answered, her heart still bounding in her chest.

 

Alex went to the door. Kara stared as the door opened and revealed Lena standing there in casual jeans and a dark sweater. Kara heard Alex greet her: ”Hey Lena. It’s so good to see you.” Alex said sincerely. Lena looked at her for a while timidly and then her shoulders relaxed and she smiled genuinely at Alex and gave her a quick hug. ”It’s nice to see you too Alex.”

 

They stepped inside the apartment. And everyone hollered their greetings. ”We missed you Lena.” J’onn said warmly and Lena smiled shyly. Kara heard the faint shudder in Lena’s heart and she could see the slight shine of her glossy eyes, happy to see her friends again.

 

Lena and James shared a small smile. ”Hey, good to see you.” James said and Lena just nodded ”You too, James.”

 

Kara felt a lump in her throat and averted Lena’s gaze. She was so relieved that Lena got to be with her friends again, but the guilt now ate at her even more. She went to the kitchen without a word to fill up everyone’s drinks and get Lena a glass of wine too. When she came back she handed Lena her glass and looked at her quickly. Kara was stunned at seeing the expression on her face. Lena looked intently at her, her eyes void of anger, but filled with a strange curiosity, an apprehension, a question. Kara went completely red and averted her eyes again. She hoped no one would notice her strange behavior, but she immediately saw Alex looking at her with a pained expression on her face that clearly, wordlessly communicated: Chill!

 

They played through all the games and everything slowly fell into a familiar rhythm. They all seemed happy. Kara even saw Lena laughing a couple of times and a genuine smile on her beautiful lips. Kara kept noticing now, more than ever, how beautiful Lena’s lips actually were.

Kara knew she was in deep because every time Lena laughed, she felt a furious fire in her chest. She loved her, she loved that sound, that sound stabbed her with love every time. Kara could not deny and she could not stop falling, she could not fly after all. Kara knew it now more that ever.

Kara had to constantly remind herself not to stare, she had began to notice every detail of Lena’s beauty, her wrists and her slender fingers as they held cards and moved the game pieces, how her laughter made her eyes scrunch up and how the features of her face and the color and shape of her eyes were just so blazingly gorgeous that it almost hurt to look at her. Kara was a mess and she lost every game.

 

”What’s up Kara you seem distracted?” Nia said at one point.

 

”Oh! I’m totally fine. Not distracted. I- I’m just glad you’re all here.” Kara said with a slightly too loud voice.

 

 

 

 

When it was late and it came time for everyone to start scrambling up and collect their coats to leave, Kara became really nervous again. Would they think it weird if Kara didn’t hug Lena goodbye like she would everyone else. Surely Lena would not want to hug her, it was all so messy right now? She started to feel panicked.

 

But as she was hugging everyone goodbye and they flowed out the door gradually, Kara noticed that Lena hadn’t made a move to put her coat or shoes on. 

 

Alex and Kelly were last to go out the door and Alex gave Kara a hug and a stern look. ”Good luck.” She whispered and left. The door closed with a deafening click and they were left alone, just the two of them. Lena was standing by the kitchen island, wringing her hands nervously. She looked up at Kara and Kara’s stomach swooped.

 

”Can we talk?” Lena said quietly.

 

”Of course whatever you want!” Kara almost yelped. Then she lowered her voice, trying to calm down and said: ”Yes, I’d like that. Do you want some tea?” She tried gesturing over to the kettle hopelessly.

”Yeah, sure that would be nice.” Lena said with a nervous sigh.

 

Kara made them cups of strong black tea, hoping it would clear her head. Lena had sat down on the couch and Kara followed her and set the tea on the table and sat down on the other end of the couch.

 

Lena took the tea and sipped it. Kara wasn’t sure what to do, so she took her tea as well and sipped.

 

They were silent, drinking their tea. That was until Lena finally began speaking.

 

”You told me you lied to me because you love me?” Lena said while staring into her tea.

 

”Yeah..” Kara said quietly. She was lookin at Lena and even though the situation was difficult she felt the love so very intensely, she was mesmerized by Lena simply sitting there on her couch in her apartment in casual clothes. It was nothing that hadn’t happened before but now Kara’s mind soared into images and fantasies of a life with Lena, where they would sit on the couch, surrounded by a life that was theirs. Sharing her life with Lena... Kara’s heart wrenched at the sudden yearning. Kara shook her head and chastised herself for letting her mind escape so far into a blissful distant orbit.

 

Then Lena looked up into her eyes. The startling green was like a fierce cold ocean, an astute rainy day. It was gentle but showed no mercy.

 

”What does that mean, how does that make you lie?”

 

”I... I didn’t want to you to see me as someone else.”

 

”But you are someone else.”

 

”No, I’m just me. I’m also supergirl, but I’m not two different people. I know it seems that way... but I, I don’t know what to say. I have always had to hide this from everyone. And then when people get close enough they find out somehow. I didn’t tell you soon enough because I loved what we had and I didn’t want it to change and I was terrified and then it just went on longer and it became too difficult...”

 

Kara became silent. She knew she couldn’t explain properly because there was no good explanation. She tried again:

 

”I was selfish and a coward. It’s not because I didn’t trust you or because of your last name please believe me...” she paused. She looked into Lena’s endless eyes, trying to convince her of the truth in her heart.

 

Kara spoke now more silently:

”I would trust you with everything, with my heart if you would have it. I would give it to you...”

 

Kara finished and looked into her tea. She couldn’t bare Lena’s eyes after what she just said, fearing Lena would reject it all. She felt paralyzed by fear of losing her.

 

”Kara can you look at me?” Lena said sternly.

 

Kara snapped her head up and looked at Lena with her trembling blue eyes, the Forget-me-Nots in Lena’s rain.

 

”What are you trying to say?” Lena asked with a concerned frown on her face.

 

Kara stared into her eyes, not able to look away from the sea of green.

 

”I love you.”

 

”I know that but—”

 

”I want you.”

 

Kara said it abruptly with a labored exhale. She stared at Lena still for a second after the words had left her lips and then she closed her eyes, bracing herself calmly.

 

Lena looked at her with a surprised expression for a long while, keeping silent. She was lost for words.

 

”Please say something Lena” Kara begged with a terrified sigh.

 

”Oh God..” Lena whispered, looking up at the ceiling, her eyes pooling with tears that she didn’t want to allow. A broken expression flashed across her face. She got up and walked to the kitchen and grabbed the half-finished wine bottle and poured herself a new glass. Kara’s eyes followed her the entire time and she remained on the couch timidly.

 

Lena took a long swig from the wine and leaned against the kitchen island.

She slid her other hand flat and wide against the wooden surface to support herself and sipped her wine. Her expression grew more and more angry, eyes piercing Kara.

 

”you know what, fuck you Kara! How can you do this?”

She snapped with an angry voice and pointed at kara with her wine glass.

 

Lena took another angry gulp of wine and Kara got up from the couch.

 

Lena kept her furious eyes on her, while Kara walked up towards the kitchen and Lena continued.

”How do you do this?! How do you just betray me, lie to me for years... Then you tell me something like that?! You brake my heart and then you.. you.. bloody hell!” She dropped her gaze down into her glass and shook her head slowly.

 

She downed the rest of her wine and looked at her empty glass for a while. Then she suddenly threw it towards the sink. It shattered with a deafening noise and Kara winced at the display of aggression. She tried to speak:

 

”Lena I’m—”

 

”No shut up!”

 

Kara was standing only a few feet away now, looking frightened.

 

”Don’t you think it’s a bit too late for this now?!” Lena shouted at her.

 

Kara came to stand right in front of her. She had tears in her eyes as she tried to reach for Lena’s hands.

”Please Lena, please forgive me. I don’t.. I didn’t mean.. I know you hate me and this just makes it worse. I shouldn’t have said anything..”

 

Lena yanked her hands away. She looked at Kara with such intensity that it made Kara shudder.

 

”You don’t get it Kara... I don’t hate you. I wish I could fucking hate you but I love you!” She said it and Kara should have felt so good to hear those words from Lena, but the way she said it was so full of pain. Lena closed her eyes tight as if trying to stop herself from saying the words, but she whispered:

”I love you so much Kara.”

 

Kara stood in front of her and looked at her with pleading eyes, she reached again for Lena’s hand.

 

”Lena..”

she whispered.

 

But before Kara could touch her hand, Lena just slapped her across the face, hard. Kara’s face turned from the force but she didn’t feel any pain. She closed her eyes as tears fell from them and wished she could feel the pain. She looked back at Lena and saw that she had tears in her eyes too. She was holding her her own hand that she slapped Kara with and looked like she was in pain.

 

Kara reached for her hand again in an intuitive attempt to aid, to soothe the ache. Lena just jerked her hands away and raised them up and in a swift angry movement pushed her. Kara stumbled backwards slightly even though she didn’t really have to give into Lena’s force. She looked away as Lena pushed her again. Kara let her do it, wishing Lena could actually hurt her. Kara felt Lena’s warmth close and her hands pressing on her chest and she just let herself be shoved back.

 

Lena followed Kara while she shoved her away. She came up to her again and put her hands on Kara’s chest to push her once more but then she suddenly felt a gentle hand encircle her wrist and Kara looked up into her eyes. There was an otherworldly strength there in Kara. It shone trough from beneath the grief in her eyes, it lingered in Lena’s hands. Before so unbeknownst to her, a strength beneath Kara’s soft pink cardigan. Lena saw it then and for the first time ever, she truly understood that Kara was not fully from this world.

 

This time when Lena tried to push, Kara wouldn’t move an inch. Kara had a serious expression on her face now.

”Lena stop.” She said simply.

Lena’s breath hitched in her chest when she realized the determination shifting to not be pushed around anymore. But Lena was feeling vengeful, passionate and weak. She tried to wrangle her hand loose but Kara held onto her effortlessly. Lena took her other hand and hit her fist straight onto the centre of Kara’s chest. Lena winced in pain and then she felt Kara seize both of her wrists and push them down behind Lena’s back. Kara walked them back the few feet and pushed Lena against the table once more. With her hands secured behind her back, Lena’s heart beat strongly and she was out of breath. She stared into Kara’s blue eyes with a burning fire. Her gaze dropped down to Kara’s lips for one fateful second.

 

”You’re going to hurt yourself Lena” Kara said, her face inches away from Lena’s. After a while of staring at each other Kara let Lena’s hands go and hung her head, her eyes connecting to the floor in defeat.

 

Then she felt a more gentle touch pull her in, arms wrapping around her waist and raising up to hold her tight. She let Lena pull her into a surprising embrace. Something broke inside Kara at the sudden comfort, the kindness after the violence. She felt Lena’s other hand raise to the back of her head and her breath falling on the side of her face. Kara felt hot tears fall on her shoulder and then she squeezed her own arms tightly around Lena, trying to soothe her while her heart was breaking again because she caused pain to this woman.

 

”I’m so sorry..” Kara cried into Lena’s ear ”I’m so sorry.. ”

 

She held her tightly and ached for the incredible uncertain comfort and the pain of elusive grief.

 

”Lena.. don’t let go.”

She whispered desperately, pathetically.

 

She felt Lena’s arm tighten around her waist and her other hand stroke the back of her head more firmly. She pulled her further against her body and exhaled against her neck.

Kara felt Lena’s body tremble as she cried, hiding her face against Kara’s neck as if Kara might not know that she was crying if she was pressed close enough.

 

They stayed that way until Lena’s sobs abated. Then Kara felt Lena’s hold loosen and her heart wrenched again. She pulled herself away from her, knowing she needed to give her space if she wanted it. Lena had her head turned away and she was trying to wipe her eyes. Kara made an instinctive move to soothe the tears away from Lena’s cheeks but Lena just turned her head further away and Kara dropped her hand and retreated. Lena turned and started walking to the door.

 

”I have to go” she said with a tired voice. She was out the door before Kara could find anything to say. Kara just stared as she went. The door shut with a final click and Kara was left standing alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the hight of angst that I’ll do for this. It wasn’t even that bad right? So like it’ll be fine. At least Lena just threw a glass to the sink and not the whole ass bottle at Kara’s head like she did in the finale.*
> 
> (*in my mind).


	4. Torment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new suit elicits reactions.

The air felt so good on her now streamlined legs. She felt less exposed. She flew fast and high above the clouds. No one could see her anyway, but something about not having the hems of a short skirt flap around the back of her thighs made her feel even stronger that before. The thick blue nano material now encasing her legs felt sturdy and it inspired confidence.

 

She landed on the balcony of the DEO. She walked across the main hall and caught a glimpse of her own reflection in one of the glass walls. She looked good. She thought she looked more authoritative, more mature. She felt a small flicker of smug pride at her new look.

 

The suit was pretty much the same as before. Only now, below a sturdier metal belt, her legs were incased in pants that were the same blue material as the top. The gear department had also modified the sleeves so that the thumb hoops were gone and now thin bands of metal secured the sleeved snugly to her wrists. Streamlined narrow strips of dark red, technical mesh fabric stretched across the side oh her thighs from above the knee. This feature allowed more limber movement and provided some cooling. Her boots were still the same, but they felt better over the new material than they had on the thin tights. The engineers had also found that they could reproduce the Kryptonian material of her cape from the particles that Kara had once brought back from Argo for research. So she now had a full-length cape. It came down to her ankles and it actually felt better in flight and it made her look even taller.

 

 

She filed in some reports about her patrol. The city had been quiet. She had stopped a few robberies and broken up a few alien drug deals, but nothing major was really going on. It was like the troubles had gone to sleep.

 

Kara headed toward the training rooms to kill some time and some frustration. She noticed that she turned more heads than usual as she walked through the command centre. She might have been miserable about everything else but this new suit was at least excellent. She smirked as she walked.

 __________________

 

 

 

Later that night when Kara was enjoying some cheese pizza and a pint of cookie dough ice cream, she heard a faint whisper coming to her from across town. It was like when you are at a party and suddenly your attention shifts when you hear your own name.

 

 _Kara_.. A choked cry and then the sound of Lena’s panicked heartbeat crashed into her ears. Lena was in trouble and she knew Kara would hear her calling her name. Kara was in her super-suit and out in the sky in one second. She reached L-corp in two. She saw Lena standing in her office and a man wearing a ski-mask was pointing a gun at her face.

 

Kara zoomed into Lena’s office and the gunman was gently knocked out before neither could blink an eye. Kara stared down at the man with a hightened anger, the caliber of which she did not usually feel for petty criminals. Lena was staring at Kara and glancing to the unconscious man on the floor. Her heart still beat fast in shock. Kara’s eyes started to brim with the heat of red light as she stared at the man.

 

”Hey!” Lena said sternly, to get Kara to snap out of it.

 

Kara’s eyes returned to sky blue and she whirled around to look at Lena.

 

Lena looked flustered, nervous and reserved all of a sudden, she had calmed down from the immediate threat to her life as it was actually quite commonplace. She spoke up, trying to put on her business voice.

”I’m sure there’s no need to fry the thug. Security and the police are on their way to take him down.” Lena had her phone in her hand and had already alerted the proper authorities.

 

”Yes. Of course... I wouldn’t _fry_ someone anyway.” Kara said embarrassed at her uncharacteristic fury toward an anonymous attacker who was probably just a gun for hire.

 

Kara stood there in Lena’s office, suddenly not knowing what to do so she fidgeted with her hands and made a gesture as if to push her glasses up but they were’t there. Her Supergirl bravado was completely faltering now in front of Lena.

 

Lena chuckled and raised an eyebrow at Kara.

”I should have seen it. Gosh...” she shook her head. Then she looked Kara up and down and there was a short lived flicker of something intense in her eyes.

”You have a new suit.” Lena said with a low tone.

 

Kara blushed deep scarlet and ducked her head down. ”Yeah.. yeah the skirt was getting a bit..girly.”

 

”This looks good.” Lena said her eyes raking along Supergirls thighs, a clear twinkle in her eyes suddenly.

 

Kara stared at Lena in wonder and in awkward panic. What the heck was happening? But before she could wonder further the door burst open with the security and police barging in and huddling around the unconscious man. They inspected the room for anything out of the ordinary and handcuffed the man.

 

Supergirl went to stand away from the police and leaned on the balcony door, not wanting to meddle with the investigation. The man was human after all and this wasn’t something the DEO was needed for.

 

Once the police sergeant was done with the short list of questions she had for Lena she shook her hand and thanked her for the information provided. Before turning away and leaving, she quickly glanced towards Kara and nodded. ”Thank you for the help Supergirl.”

 

Kara nodded as well and did an awkward two fingered salute. ”Any time, Sergeant.”

 

Then the police were out with the man carried away and they were left alone in the dimly lit office. Kara looked up from her boots to find Lena staring at her.

”Thanks for saving me.” She said in a matter of fact tone. Her eyes still intently assessing her.

 

”Of course Lena. If you call me, I’ll come.” Kara said and tried a small smile.

 

Lena’s face was intense and she did not smile. She stared at Kara for a while and then she frowned.

 

”I’m sorry about the other night. I don’t know what came over me..” Lena said after a while with a sombre voice. She looked down at her heels.

 

”It’s... I deserved it” Kara said, sighing.

 

Lena looked up to Kara and there was a great sadness on her face. She walked up to her and looked her in the eyes.

”No, Kara. I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong. I just... I think I lost my mind for a little bit.”

 

”I forgive you.” Kara said in a whisper, the heaviness and the irony of the situation making her tense. She was the one who needed Lena’s forgiveness. She felt suddenly awkward and embarrassed for what she had confessed the last time they saw each other. She spoke up with a little more strength in her voice:

”Anyway, I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was stupid... I understand if you feel weird about it.”

Kara sighed and pressed her palms to her face in exasperation, trying to hide.

 

Lena just looked at her with steady eyes. She came closer and reached for Kara’s wrists and pulled her hands away from her face.

”I don’t feel weird about it Kara.”

 

Lena’s eyes were burning into Kara’s, her eyes were dark, engulfed by a deep meaning. The remaining green of her eyes was warm now, like antique bronze on a summer’s day in direct sunlight, quietly simmering.”

 

Kara felt nervous all of a sudden. Her eyes dropped down to Lena’s parted lips and she could hear the sudden quickening of her heartbeat.

 

Lena pressed even closer slowly, almost without moving. She spoke, her gaze was intent on Kara’s lips:

”Why would I feel weird about it?”

 

Kara stood there wide-eyed and she didn’t really know what to do. Lena was inches away from her now, her body almost pressing against her. She felt her warmth lingering so close. Kara stuttered:

”I-I just didn’t know, I guess, if you.. thought about me like that.. or—”

 

”Of course I do!” Lena snapped, her eyes dropping to linger over Kara’s body and the new suit. The shameless gaze made Kara shudder and heat pooled all over her.

 

Lena was trailing her hungry eyes on Kara, like she was in a trance.

”Look at you... Of course I want you.” She said in a breathy whisper, her eyes narrowed like a predatory feline.

 

Kara noticed that her back was against the glass door of the balcony and Lena was so close, her breath tickling the side of her jaw as she inched in closer, put her hands on Kara’s hips and leaned up to whisper in her ear:

 

”I’ve imagined you, bending me over that desk so many times Supergirl. I’ve imagined you pushing me against it, spreading my legs and just taking me.”

 

Kara started to breathe heavily and let out a strange mewing sound. Lena didn’t relent, her breath was hot against the side of Kara’s face. Kara felt an electric shock go through her abdomen at Lena’s proximity and the whispered words. She couldn’t believe this was happening...

 

Lena pressed her body tightly against her and Kara’s hands instinctually rose up to her lower back. Lena’s breathing became faster as she kept murmuring into Kara’s ear with a wicked voice.

 

”I’ve thought about you too Kara.. You have no idea... Sometimes, when you’ve been bubbling in here like the dork you are, going on about Big Belly Burgers and doughnuts... you have that stupid dopey expression on your face and all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you, how much I want your hands on me, for you to just make love to me until I can’t think. Then I touch myself at night, thinking about your fingers stretching me.”

 

Lena’s whispering voice was becoming a low growl. Lena’s breath and lips felt hot on her skin as Kara breathed with desperate puffs of air. She closed her eyes in a feeble attempt to handle this. Her hips began to mindlessly, unconsciously roll up in a slow grind against Lena.

 

Lena just kept herself steady. She wanted to really drive this in, maybe this was her dirty revenge. She grabbed Kara by the hair with her hand and pulled her face even closer to her burning red lips. Kara gasped and whimpered. She opened her eyes, her chest heaving as Lena continued to purr into her ear:

”Before, when I didn’tknow it was you, I used to imagine both of you fucking me at the same time. Just having your way with me while I helplessly let you do whatever you wanted... You’d have me on top of you, sliding inside me three knuckles deep and Supergirl behind me, grabbing my waist and fucking me with strong, steady thrusts of her fingers... When I thought about that I came So. Fucking. Hard. For. You.”

 

Lena husked the last words into Kara’s ears trough her teeth in an angry hiss. Her hand tightened on Kara’s hip and all Kara could do was desperately pant, her eyes wide in shock and her clit throbbing at Lena’s insane words. Kara felt like she might pass out, her head was spinning. She didn’t expect this.. She trailed her trembling hands up Lena’s back and tried to make sense of the world. Through her delirium, she still wanted to know every unspeakable detail of what Lena was describing. She managed to try and ask with a half whisper: ”H-how would we—”

 

”You know how.” Lena snarled into her ear, her lips grazing Kara’s skin lightly, but it felt like an electric shock.

 

Kara couldn’t stop her hips from rolling up to Lena’s, her hands from pressing tighter on her back. Her breath stuttered as she swallowed nervously. Her eyes fluttered as she lost her mind further and further. She was mad but she tried, she wanted to hear it: ”No, but w-where would she... tell me.. s-ay it! Lena..”

 

”You fucking know what I mean, don’t you Kara?”

Lena spoke mercilessly with a heated, angry voice.

 

”Ah- I... ffu.. Yeah.”

Kara just whined breathily and shut her eyes tightly again, trying to keep herself intact. She could never have imagined Lena saying such things to her. Her mind had never dared to venture nearly as far as Lena’s apparently had. Kara liked it far more then she dared to admit.

 

”Lena...” Kara let out in a pathetic whimper, lost for words. Her legs felt like jelly and there was a swooping, wet ache between her legs from how turned on she was.

But then Lena suddenly pulled away and walked backward from her. Kara’s hands lingered in the air, suddenly full of emptiness as Lena retreated from her embrace. The loss of her warmth and closeness was so sudden the contrast made Kara ache all over.

 

Lena put on the most devilish grin as she turned around and walked the few last paces back to her desk. She sat down onto her impressive office chair, crossed her legs and stared at Kara with a smoldering evil look in her eyes. Lena’s breathing was still a bit labored but she steadied herself with honour. She casually smoothed a hand along her slacks, flicking away a non-existent speck of dust on the fabric.

 

Kara stood there stunned, still trying to catch her breath, trying to stay upright. She just leaned against the glass, slumping and feeling wobbly. She kept staring at Lena with wide blue eyes.

 

Lena just nodded her head toward the balcony door and said with a surprisingly calm voice:

”Good night Supergirl.”

 

Kara took the hint even though her head was spinning. She didn’t know what else to do. She mustered a shaky ”G-good night Lena”. She opened the door and made her way out of Lena’s office and into the night sky. When she got home, she still wondered what just happened.

 

Kara’s mind was flabbergasted. Her feelings were vaguely hurt but she thought she hardly had the right. She was in bed trying to sleep but she couldn’t. Lena’s words were playing in her mind on a harrowing loop, scorching her entire body. Kara felt deeply, each word Lena had said. This was all a haunting revelation. Then she relented, she let her hands wander and she focused her thoughts on exactly what Lena had said to her. She came on her own fingers about five times before she could finally drift into sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my thesis on the true nature of Lena Luthor’s alleged Evil.
> 
> Ps. I know you fiends have seen that notorious masterpiece fanart by Sango.
> 
> Pps. I know y’all have have bookmarked it.


	5. The VIP

A broad ray of sunshine draped the pillow next to Kara as she opened her eyes. It was a very bright morning and she felt the sun on her skin as it gave her all that it had once again.

 

Her immediate thought, coming out of a heavy sleep, was a longing. At first it was faint, vague and floated around her. Her mind had not quite caught up yet. But soon enough it became heavy and crashed into her. She felt in awe at the way the images flashed across her mind, the hope of having Lena there next to her. Lena’s body rising and falling slowly as she breathed, still asleep next her, the sunlight warming her naked skin. Kara trailed a yearning hand along the empty space and sighed at the feeling as her hand stroked the the warm fabric where the sun touched her bed.

 

She was a goner. There was no fighting this, she knew. The entire week she caught herself daydreaming about Lena. It was getting ridiculous.

 

 

”Kara! Hello!” Nia was waving a hand in front of Kara’s face and snapping her fingers, looking annoyed. They were on their lunch break, sitting in a booth by the window at Noonan’s. Kara snapped out of her thoughts and looked at Nia with a deer in the headlights kind of expression.

 

”What Yes! I mean.. what?”

 

”I asked you if you read that article in the Times about the history of corruption at the office of the president?” Nia said with a frown. ”What’s going on with you Kara, is there something on your mind?” She continued.

 

Then she gasped excitedly, her expression breaking into a mischievous grin ” _Someone_ on your mind?” Nia smirked and raised her eyebrow knowingly.

 

Kara bit her lip and blushed slightly. She looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap.

 

Nia broke into a victorious yelp. ”There is someone!” She exclaimed.

 

”Kara looked up and she couldn’t help but smile so wide her cheeks hurt. She was embarrassed by this involuntary need to smile this much. But then she frowned. She sighed.

 

”Yeah, someone is on my mind... but I don’t think she.. I mean I don’t think it can.. she doesn’t.. It’s complicated.” She finally relented, her shoulders slumping.

 

Nia had a disbelieving frown on her face. She was quiet for a while, assessing Kara’s hopeless demeanor. She finally spoke up: ”Is it Lena?”

 

Kara’s eyes went wide. ”How did you know?!”

 

”Oh come on! They way you stare at her, like all the world drops away when she enters the room.” Nia shook her head at Kara affectionately.

 

Kara looked down again and failed to suppress a small smile. She shrugged her shoulders a little bit, not really having any excuse for why she apparently ogled her best friend so much that everyone saw.

 

Nia continued on her inquisitive path: ”So she found out about your secret and now she’s mad at you?”

 

”How do you always know everything?” Kara demanded with exasperation, the crinkle appearing between her brows.

 

”I see the future.” Nia quipped with a nonchalant shrug. When Kara just continued to frown, Nia went on ”Kara, I just guessed. There was a weird tension between you two at game night a few weeks ago..”

 

Kara just closed her eyes and lifted her face up towards the ceiling. She relented and let out an exhausted breath.

 

”Nia, I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m like completely in love with her and I don’t know what to do.” She snapped her head back down and looked to Nia’s eyes with a desperation.

 

Nia tried to give her a lopsided smile. ”Well I assume you talked. What did she say to you?”

 

Kara blushed deep scarlet and spluttered ”Oh well she, well we talked.. kinda I mean...”

Kara had a pained expression on her face and Nia just raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

 

Kara told her the gist of how they first had a weird fight where Lena slapped her and then hugged her. She also vaguely told her about how Lena had tortured her at her office, leaving out the details on that one though.

 

Nia was looking at her wide eyed and a small smirk began to grace her lips as she chuckled:

”Wow.. well” she cleared her throat and continued: ”She sure can play a girl.. I guess her Luthor flame flickers after all..” Nia was just laughing now. ”No wonder you’re distracted”

 

”Right?!” Kara exclaimed and gestured like the cause of her frenzied attention span should’ve been obvious all along.

 

Nia calmed her laughing and sighed, she pondered for a second and then she spoke:

”Look, You know I’m still kinda helping out with the brainstorming on the fashion editorials at work.. I know I know! I’m on your investigation team and it’s very busy, but they hit me up for some advice every now and then. Anyway long story short, I got some exclusive access passes to a high-end club opening tonight. I’m going with my roomate and a few friends. You should come. No girlfriends, no boyfriends, no theyfriends! We’ll dance and have fun and it’ll clear your head. I’ll smuggle in some alien booze for us and it’ll be lit!”

 

Nia had an expectant toothy grin on her face. Kara felt a small dread about the alien alcohol thing. ”That sounds actually pretty great, I miss dancing.. But phew the last time I drunk some weird purple stuff, I was hungover for a whole day!”

 

Nia shrugged her shoulders. ”Kara, I’ve got some mild stuff, I can’t handle full alien alcohol anyway, don’t worry. We’re there to party and not mope and suffer as I guess is what you were doing with the purple drink.” Nia rolled her eyes and then looked at Kara intently waiting for an affirmative.

 

Kara threw her hands up a little bit and sighed: ”Okay, okay.. I’ll be there.

_______________________

 

 

Kara felt the pulse of the music in the club already outside. She was standing to the side waiting for Nia and her friends to show up. Kara had her hair up in an elegant bun and was wearing a sleeveless black dress and black heels. The dress was very simple and the collar came up taut to cover her collarbones, but behind the design was almost backless. The fabric hugged her shoulders and her sides tightly but it was open in the middle all the way down to the small of her back.

 

She saw Nia andher friends approaching and smiling at her. Nia waved and hugged her quickly. ”You look great Kara! Here let me introduce you to everyone!” She quickly went on. Nia was wearing a shimmering silver dress with electric blue heels. Kara smirked as she realized Nia had dressed according to her Dreamer-suit color scheme.

 

Kara shook hands with Nia’s friends and hugged Yvette as she had already met her at Nia’s house party.

 

Then they all headed into the club, past the line since they had exclusive access courtesy of Catco’s fashion team.

 

Once inside they all ordered drinks and sat down into one of the a circular sofa booths that littered the space. The club was very dimly light and only red neon lights lit the booths while blue neon lit the dance floors.

 

 

”Cheers! To the demise of the patriarchy!”

 

One of Nia’s friends hollered and lifted their drink up and everyone cheered and clicked their drinks together. They all fell into exited chatter and Kara was really enjoying herself. It turned out Nia’s friends were super fun and really in tune with current social and political topics. Kara enjoyed the mix of raunchy humor and the sharp insightful conversation.

 

The song changed and suddenly everyone cheered and got up. Nia grabbed Kara by the elbow and said: ”Come on, we’re dancing!”

 

Kara followed everyone gladly to the dance floor and slipped into the music, she could feel the bass beat vibrating all over her and her sensitive ears picked out all the nuances of the music. Kara loved dancing and she was good at it. The mild alien alcohol that Nia had slipped into their drinks made Kara feel comfortably tipsy but not drunk.

 

They danced through about five songs, until Nia pulled them over to the bar.They were waiting for their drinks and laughing at something.

 

But then Kara saw her. She was sitting in one of the VIP- booths that was on a raised platform around the main dance floor. The area was lit up with light blue neon and it seemed like the most rich and famous of National City had been herded into this one large VIP- lounge.

 

Kara’s heart began to beat out of control as she stared at her. Lena was sitting there with her legs crossed her stiletto swaying menacingly, her left arm draped casually along the back of the booth. There was an incredibly attractive woman sitting on her left and an equally attractive man sitting on her right. Both were looking at Lena like they were under some lust spell. Lena however was engaged in a heated conversation with someone sitting opposite her.

 

Lena was wearing an all red ensemble, high waisted slacks and a form fitting sleeveless top. Her hair was straightened and curtained her beautiful face symmetrically like it was enchanted to remain shiny and sleek.

 

And then she turned her head straight towards the bar. Her eyes locked with Kara and after a short beat, she smiled ever so slightly. They stared at each other from across the club. Then Lena got up from her seat as if she was made of red smoke. She passed the beautiful people who had drooled over her and she shamelessly stroked the guy’s cheek without looking at him as she glided past them like a vampire and started walking towards Kara.

 

Kara panicked and frantically spluttered to Nia:

Nia help me! Lena’s here. She’s coming over!”

 

”What?!” Nia spun around and noticed Lena walking to them. She was only a few feet away now and once she reached them she put on a warm, polite smile. ”Hey guys, fancy running into you here..” she said and Kara could decipher the slight teasing in her voice.

 

”Hey Lena! Looking fabulous as always. What brings you here?” Nia said in a casual chatty voice, while Kara was internally having a heart attack from looking at Lena’s mind blowing appearance.

 

Lena continued with a relaxed wave of her hand: ”Oh you know they always insist I show up at these things and my PR team agrees so here I am.” She smiled and glanced at Kara who only blushed and managed a ”hi..”

 

”Hi.” Lena deadpanned at her and burrowed her smokey eyes into Kara’s and quickly looked her up and down.

 

Nia was observing the exchange with a forced neutral expression until one of her friends came up yelling something about ”This song!” and grabbed Nia by the arm and pulled her towards one of the dance floors. Nia only had time to give Kara a meaningful look as she chirped ”I gotta go dance apparently, see ya!” And she was pulled away. Kara and Lena were left to stand at the bar, just the two of them.

 

They just stared at each other for a while. Kara had to avert her gaze, because she was getting overwhelmed by simply everything about Lena.

 

From her periphery she could see Lena taking a small step closer to her.

 

Kara sighed and she felt tired of feeling frozen by guilt and shyness, being stuck under Lena’s spell, cowering away. She lifted her eyes to look at Lena and in a blazing boldness she touched her hand gently. Lena didn’t pull her hand away this time and Kara asked with a surprisingly commanding voice ”Dance with me?” It might as well have been a command, since Kara had suddenly found her strength again. Lena smirked and tightened her hold slightly in Kara’s hand and Kara took that as an affirmation and she pulled them slowly onto the dance floor.

 

Once they found a spot Lena immediately draped her arms lazily over Karas shoulders, locked their eyes and started to move her body beautifully in tune with the beat of the song. Kara placed her hands around Lena’s waist and responded to the sway and movement with precision.

 

They let each other have it. They were both really good dancers and each sway of the others hips brought their bodies closer together. Their skill seemed to only encourage the other to truly surrender to the beat and the dizzying feeling of moving so effortlessly together. Their bodies seemed made for each other as their hips touched every so often, their thighs crazed the other’s and their hands wandered.

 

Kara tightened her hold on Lena’s lower back and when Lena ground her hips into Kara in a particularly intense move, Kara dropped her hand dangerously low and guided her movements as Lena Kept swaying her hips and trailing her hand lightly down Kara’s exposed back.

 

Kara pulled Lena flush against her and their bodies writhed against each other, both women getting lost in the music. Their lips were inches away and Kara could feel Lena’s breath fall onto her lips. They kept their eyes locked the whole time, neither wanting to break the contact.

 

Then, as they moved like that, getting lost in each other, Lena’s lips faintly and for a secondtouched Kara’s. Maybe it was an accident but Kara’s breath hitched and she instinctually raised her hand to cup the side of Lena’s neck and she dropped her eyes down to Lena’s red lips. Lena looked into her eyes with a frightening smirk on her lips and before Kara could think, Lena spun around in Kara’s arms, her back pressing tightly against Kara’s front. Kara started to feel the beat and the pulse of the music down between her legs and she breathed heavily against Lena’s neck.

 

Lena trailed her hand up to hold Kara by the back of her neck and danced against her with the beat. Kara’s face pressed into Lena’s unbelievably sleek hair that smelled like heaven. Kara’s other hand dropped down to Lena’s hip, it lingered there and Lena felt how hot her palm was, how intense it felt right there, the strength that she held, the way Kara moved her body so smoothly behind her like an angel.

 

”You’re so fucking hot.” Kara husked into Lena’s ear and twirled her hips and pressed her hand onto Lena’s abdomen. Kara was much taller now because of her heels and Lena had never heard Kara curse and for some reason it turned her on so much she almost melted into her. Lena let Kara guide her body and leaned her head back and turned slightly to look up behind her to Kara. Kara pressed her lips to Lena’s cheek and kissed her there. Lena closed her eyes and danced like she was trying to hypnotize Kara.

 

Kara’s head was spinning and it wasn’t because of the alcohol. Lena was gracefully swaying in front of her and her backside grinder up into the front of Kara’s hips every now and then. Kara was getting lost in the frenzy of it all and her hand glided up along Lena’s side and graced just below her breast. She slid her hand up and draped it possessively yet protectively across Lena’s chest. Then she effortlessly spun Lena around again.

 

Kara heard Lena’s breath hitch as her hands grabbed Kara's back. Kara pressed their foreheads together and sighed. Her body was moving against her in tune to the music as Lena swayed, now letting Kara guide her movements. They were both slightly out of breath and Kara couldn’t take it anymore she opened her eyes and stared deeply at Lena:

 

”Come home with me?” She implored, her breath warming Lena’s lips.

 

Lena pulled away slightly to look at her properly. Kara saw Lena’s eyes were dark and glossy and she was staring at Kara with a mix of want and trepidation. She opened her mouth to answer, but right then a few people from the Vip-Lounge came pumping into them. Their bubble was burst instantly and suddenly even the music seemed louder and Kara became more aware of the crowd around them.

 

The people from the group started loudly talking to Lena. Lena loosened her hold on Kara and looked at her with an undecipherable expression. One of he rowdy VIPs showed something to Lena from her phone and pulled at Lena’s arm and was shouting and laughing about something.

 

Kara stood there staring as Lena was pulled away from her and Lena soon disappeared into the mass of people writing on the dance floor.

 

Kara rubbed a frustrated hand along her face, and made to move away from the dance floor to find Nia and the rest of her group. In her annoyance, she wondered why this kept happening.

 

Once se was back at the booth sitting with her group, a though occurred to her.

 

”You knew she would be here didn’t you?” She asked Nia, while staring into space.

 

Nia just shrugged again and said: ”You said it yourself Kara, I always know everything.” Nia Smirked smugly and Kara just scoffed and rolled her eyes.

 

”hope you had a good time, dancing..” Nia smirked and took a sip of her drink and Kara just pressed her face into her palms with a deep sigh.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon!


End file.
